Couples therapy is an opportunity so that the members of a relationship can improve some aspects and strengthen the bond they have. However, sometimes, there are some common pitfalls in couples therapy.
In a couples therapy counseling they work from aspects such as communication or emotional management, to problems concerning the sexual level (lack of libido, boredom, etc.). Here’s a look at common obstacles in couples therapy that can stand in the way of your success.
Common obstacles in couples therapy
1. Wanting the partner to change
Many of the couples who come to the consultations are trying to change partners. They think going to therapy will make them the person they want to meet your expectations.
As the article points out Integrative behavioral couple therapy: Overview of a model with an emphasis on emotional acceptance: “Counsellors must give up their attempts to change the other person’s behavior.”
2. Blaming the partner
This is another common obstacle in couples therapy that has become a pattern of behavior in other relationships. Blaming your partner without taking responsibility is a mistake.
Something that we must take into account in any type of relationship is that both members bear their share of responsibility, as the bond they formed was a matter of two. Therefore, How does each of the members contribute to the issue that brought them to the consultation?
3. Communicating Inappropriately: Common Hurdles in Couples Therapy
“Bad” communication is a stumbling block in many relationships. There are usually thoughts and emotions that go unsaid, secrets kept, and a variety of strategies to avoid expressing what one feels effectively. If during couple therapy this, which will work, continues to be present, the results will not be as hoped for. Here because, it is important to take small steps for better communication.
4. Hidden intentions
If the relationship between members of a relationship going to therapy is harmful (violence, maltreatment, abuse) it is possible that there are hidden intentions. For example, accusing the other of being crazy and therefore undermining his self-esteem much more.
when this happens it is very important to have separate sessions. In fact, it is advisable to do individual sessions and combine them with those of a couple. If there are hidden intentions, it is very likely that one of the members will say “I don’t need individual sessions, I’m here because the one who needs help is my partner”.
5. Look for non-existent solutions
Another of the common obstacles in couples therapy is when a couple comes looking for solutions when, in reality, there are none. This can happen for several reasons:
- The feelings are not the same: love has become only affection or friendship and, no matter how much you fight, it is impossible to go back.
- Different life projects: one of the members of the relationship wants to have children and the other does not, or to live abroad.
Is it possible to work in pairs on these aspects? The answer is yes”. Therapy will help shed some light on the relationshipbreak up in a healthy way and accompany each person in the grieving process.
6. Common Hurdles in Couples Therapy: Leaving Therapy “Midway”
The last of the common obstacles in couples therapy is abandonment. This happens on several occasions, not only in couple therapy, but also in individual sessions. The reason is that we have to analyze, work and look at some aspects of our personality that we will not like.
Giving us tools to improve some aspect of ourselves (accountability, communication, etc.) is an expensive process. Some people aren’t willing to “waste their time” and would rather keep it up.
The big problem is that your relationship will continue to have problems that will get worse over time. End? A destructive break where the two members of the relationship didn’t come out stronger, as they learned nothing.
Going to couples therapy will be a very enriching process. Indeed, You don’t always have to be sick to participate in therapy, but you can go at least once a year to check that everything is okay. Just like we go to the doctor, going to the psychologist is also essential.
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